During the school year, it is so easy to get caught in the web of demands throughout a busy day that we yell at our kids or nag them way too much. Summer is no different. We may dream of tranquil moments filled with cooperative kids that magically play and leave us alone on warm sands to muse–but realistically, we know that yikes, the kids are home all day long now. What are we going to do? Behavior problems, lack of motivation, and irresponsibility may raise their ugly heads with more down time during the summer months. thebusinessdays

In my work at The Parent Coaching Institute, I encourage parents to try some of these ways to approach building a child’s or a teen”s self esteem. When kids respect themselves, they will more readily accept our boundaries and suggestions. Family chores become a way to cooperate rather than channels for resistance when kids fell good about themselves.

We have to build our kids cooperation from the inside out. These research-proven techniques that will help you do just that this summer:

Keep curiosity alive by affirming questions, interests, or special insights that your child or teen shares. Bring home a book from the library, take a photo, find a picture in a magazine, or make a comment which adds to what he or she expressed curiosity about. You are reinforcing intrinsic motivation. sportsyearly

Let your child voice an opinion. Ask him/her regularly, “What do you think about _________?” “How do you see this situation?” You are reinforcing self-confidence. bareng88

Affirm often the child’s inner guidance system with statements/questions like, “You probably have a hunch which way is the right way to go here. What is it?” “What’s your inner voice telling you about _________?” “How does this feel to you?” You are reinforcing self-trust.

Model doing something for the joy of it. Show your child that life’s pleasures often come from a playful spirit with no expected outcome. You are reinforcing self-satisfaction.

Allow time to reflect. Encouraging “to think about it for awhile’ gets your child acquainted with what fuels self-determination. You are reinforcing the value of “going inside” before decision-making.

Review lives of people who succeeded against great odds. Discuss as a family how much internal drive and motivation these people needed to meet their goals. Hold regular conversations about how a person develops those qualities, then point out often how your child or teen is developing those qualities, too! You are reinforcing success. storygame

Use these approaches for communication with your kids and you will plant within them a firm self-identity, organically eliminating behavior and motivation problems in the process. freshandbanginfood

An acclaimed keynote speaker, Gloria is a sought-after favorite for major national and international conferences because she is a recognized leader in family support and media/digital literacy who provides practical tools for parents to successfully navigate the stresses of modern day culture. Ms. DeGaetano, a best-selling author, has written Screen Smarts: A Family Guide to Media Literacy; Stop Teaching Our Kids to Kill: A Call to Action Against TV, Movie, and Video Game Violence (with Lt. Col. Dave Grossman), and manuals for parent professionals. Her latest book Parenting Well in a Media Age, has won the 2007 i-Parenting Media Award for excellence. hungryhikers